It’s the middle of the night

And I am more awake than the moon.

My current state of malaise

Makes it feel like the gnarled tree branches

In the dark wood outside my window

Are all pointed at me.

And the gurgling little brook at the cul de sac

Is threatening to drown me

From the inside out,

And starting merely with its sound.

I am wide the fuck awake

Because I am afraid

I will stop breathing

In my sleep.

But I am also afraid to stop breathing

In my wakefulness.

So awake

Or asleep,

And even when I have to run outside

For the third time

To gulp in as much cold air as I can

And not have the ceiling hanging over my head

For just one moment,

I’m afraid of drowning.

~~~

👽❤xoxoxo❤👽

~~~

Anxiety. When I get nasal congestion, I have panic attacks now. Even if the nasal congestion is imaginary and my airways are completely clear, I still panic and think I’m going to drown. Wtf. 🙄